The Toyes, by The Toyes (2024)

1.

I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at nightI smoke two joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alrightI smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of warI smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two moreOh, my daddy he once told me, "Son, you be hard working man"My mama she once told me, "Son, you do the best you can"But then one day I met a man who came to me and said"Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head"So now,I smoke two joints when I get up, in the car I smoke two jointsI smoke two joints when I play video gameAnd at every ten thousand points(I smoke two joints)I smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of warI smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two moreOh, my daddy he once told me, "Son, you be hard working man"My mama she once told me, "Son, you do the best you can"But then one day I met a man who came to me and said"Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head"I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at nightI smoke two joints in the afternoon, it makes me feel alrightI smoke two joints in time of peace, and two in time of warI smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke two moreSMOKE TWO JOINTSThat's what I doSMOKE TWO JOINTSCome and smoke two joints with me in the morningSMOKE TWO JOINTSCome and smoke two joints with me in the afternoon, yeahSMOKE TWO JOINTSHey, would you rather smoke two joints or would you rather do your homework?SMOKE TWO JOINTSI knew you were going to say that!SMOKE TWO JOINTSSMOKE TWO JOINTSThat's what I do!SMOKE TWO JOINTS

2.

If I leave here tomorrowWould you still remember me?For I must be travelling on, now,'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.But, if I stayed here with you, girl,Things just couldn't be the same.'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,And this bird you can not change.Lord knows, I can't change.Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.Though this feeling I can't change.But please don't take it badly,'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.But, if I stayed here with you girl,Things just couldn't be the same.Cause I'm as free as a bird now,And this bird you'll never change.And this bird you can not change.Lord knows, I can't change.Lord help me, I can't change

3.

The murderers keep murderin'The churches keep a burnin'The rapists keep a rapin'And the tide ain't turnin'Uncle Sam for all your powerThings get worse every hourIt seems to me your energiesAre wasted chasin' my friends and meChorus:So hey, Uncle SamLeave us pot smokers aloneUncle SamLeave us pot smokers aloneThe terrorists keep terrorizin'Our leaders keep a lyin'The haters keep a hatin'And the planet's dyin'Uncle Sam, do what's properCall off your dogs and your helicoptersThe problems of societyWere not caused by my friends and meChorusHow many innocent people gonna be imprisonedWe're just peace lovin' spleef puffin brotherhood freaksA touch of Mother Nature never made nobody violentNever made nobody hate nobody or break nobody's peaceIt's never been shown to be harmful don't you tell me no liesWith your caffeine codeine nicotine eyesThe cannabis ban is just recent just since 1938Relegalize it. Realize it. You made a big mistakeChorus

4.

Look at that guy with the new MercedesA great big house and fancy ladiesWinning the game by dropping Daddy's nameAnd hanging with the other Lucky Sperm Club babiesThe swinging king of the society sceneGets obscene in a limousineCharging cheap thrills full of frivolous frillsTaking lazy luxury to new extremesAnd oh it must be funTo be so wealthy, healthy, rich and youngOne might wonder what he's doneTo become the fortunate oneHe's another member of the Lucky Sperm ClubThe only thing he had to do was be conceivedIt's great to be a member of the Lucky Sperm ClubLiving in the lap of lazy luxuryYaweeA guy like me should be so luckyIt's a special club for the privileged fewNot for me, not for youIt's a wonderful life, no stress no strifeNever hurry never worry like the poor folk doAnd oh it must be funTo be so wealthy, filthy rich and youngOne might wonder what great things they've doneTo become the fortunate onesHe's another member of the Lucky Sperm ClubThe only thing he had to do was be conceivedIt's great to be a member of the Lucky Sperm ClubBorn into the lap of lazy luxuryYaweeA guy like me should be so luckyThe Lucky Sperm Club population is there by relationThey don't fill out applications and they pay no duesYou must inherit your invitation to this celebrationAnd The Lucky Sperm Club band don't play no bluesOh, if it were my sonIf one sweet someday all the work I've doneIs enough to ensure that my boyWill become the fortunate oneThen he can be a member of the Lucky Sperm ClubThe only thing he had to do was be conceivedI hope that he's a member of the Lucky Sperm ClubBorn into the lap of lazy luxuryYaweeAnd when I'm old he'll take good care of me

5.

Another nasty morningCan't remember what I did the night beforeI've probably been a bad boyAnd I know there's gonna be a price to pay for sureAnd I know I'm gonna swearThat this will be the last timeBut come tomorrow morning loud and clearI'll hear the blues line ringingI guess it's ringing for meI hear the blues line ringingIt's probably ringing for meI try not to answer'Cause I know that it can only be bad newsWhat did I do this timeAnd tell me how much are the duesTake your place in lineBaby take a numberCause I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take this other callI hear the blues line ringingI guess it's ringing for meI hear the blues line ringingIt's ringing for meCaught in a loop of my own undoingI try to stop dancing but the beat goes onIs that my conscience I hear pursuing?Good thing my memory's goneIf I were subjected to a true objective viewingI might stop to cop to I've been doing things wrongSo it seems at the seams I'm ungluingMeanwhile the party goes onAnd I know I'm gonna swearThat this will be the last timeBut come tomorrow morning loud and clearI'll hear the blues line ringingRinging for meI hear the blues line ringingYeah it's ringing for me

6.

Wake upWake up and smell the javaSit up and pay attentionStand up for what you believe inSpeak up til somebody listensYou can be joyful. why be blue?The dreams you are makinAre there for the takinSowhaddaya gonna do?Wake up and smell the javaShake up the status quoWise up there is no use in waitingWake up and smell the javaNo one can stop ya cep yourselfIf what you are doinIs not worth pursuinYabettado somethin elseRise up a new day is dawninLive up to your own expectationsRead up knowledge is powerWake up and smell the javaListenOpen up your eyesThere's a whole world out thereOpen your eyesWake upWake upYou want to lift up your spiritsBe up to every challengeWake up and smell the javaMake up your mindWise up there's no use waitingWake up and smell the javaWake upSpeak up til somebody listens

7.

The late night network TV showsWith celebrities smiling in their famous clothesSitting pretty, spitting witticisms on successTo a cackling clown behind a cardboard deskIn the Late Night Talk WarsTo pacify the truly boredCorporations paying through the noseTo bring us Late Night BozosWe love the Late Night Talk ShowsWe've had enough of David so we settle for JayAt this point anything different would be OKWe'll miss Dave's band but we settle for JayWe've had enough of David. Hello Jay.But we're laughing less at Leno so it's back to DaveAlthough Jay used to be funny before his talk show host daysWe're laughing less at Leno so it's back to DaveOur finger's on the button. We zap him awayIt's the Late Night Talk Wars - get off the couch and live your lifeTo pacify the truly bored - turn off the televisionCorporations paying through the nose - to sell their useless sh*tTo bring us Late Night BozosWe love the Late Night Talk ShowsAnd I can't name one reason whyThe tired schtick of these two guysShould superglue our bloodshot eyesTo their expensive suits and their ugly tiesRemember Chevy, Pat, Arsenio, Dennis and JonPeppy pop pundits. Poof, where have they gone?Remember Chevy, Pat, Arsenio, Dennis and JonEarly K.O.s, Dave and Jay battle onSo we're flippin' and a floppin' between Leno and DaveHours are lost and fortunes are madeLet's stop flip-floppin' between Leno and DaveTurn the TV off and walk awayFrom the Late Night Talk Wars - get off the couch and live your lifeTo pacify the truly bored - turn off the televisionCorporations paying through the nose - to sell their useless sh*tTo bring us Late Night BozosWe love the Late Night Talk Shows

8.

Something went down in JerusalemWe don't know what it wasSomething went down in JerusalemWas it Jesus or aliens?Something went down in JerusalemA long, long time agoSomething heavy had to happen in JerusalemWhat it was we'll never knowFor thousands of years so many millions have been fightingOver Jerusalem. Everybody's Holy LandAnd for thousands of years so many voices cryingMy god your god his god their god somebody's godSo many gods in one small townIs a little bitty bit too much of a coincidenceI'll lay you odds that what went downWas a stop on a trip of an alien shipWith a guy from the sky doing magic tricksLike walking on water, turn it into wineAnd we thought he was godBelieve what ya like butSomething went down in JerusalemWe don't know what it wasSomething went down in JerusalemWas it Allah or aliens?No photos of what happened in JerusalemThey had no CNNBut something went down in JerusalemWas it Jehovah or aliens?From lightyears away, they might have come here on vacationTo JerusalemThey came here to play with no intentionOf creating controversy or sensationSo many gods in one small townIs a little bitty bit too much of a coincidenceAlien pods were never foundJehovah, Jah, Allah, Ra, Jesus or whateverEven if it was aliens, why not get together?Agree to disagree respectfully aboutJehovah, Jah, Allah, Ra, Jesus or space travellerBelieve it or not, brahSomething went downThey had no CNN

9.

Let's you and me go hear a rock & roll bandThey play all night long, we'll dance all night longBut you just want to sit and listen to the radioMaybe baby we could take a walk in the nightWhile the moon is high and the mood is rightBut you just want to sit and listen to the radioRadioYour mind is on the airListen to the radioDo you even careIf it's AM or FM radioI don't knowI try to whisper sweet things into your earBut your headphone's on and you can't hear meAll you ever want to do is listen to the radioI call you on the telephone but time after timeYour recorded voice comes on the lineSaying "Please leave a message 'cause I'm listening to the radio"RadioYour mind is on the airListen to the radioDo you even careIf it's AM or FM radioI certainly hope soYou love your DJ. He talks so funkyYou dial his number. Request line junkieA busy signal or endless ringingDo you request the song I'm singingWhen you listen to theWhen you listen to theWhen you listen to the radioI wrote a song for you on my guitar yesterdayThat I want to play to serenade youBut I can tell that you would rather listen to the radioLet's you and me go hear a rock & roll bandThey play all night long, we'll dance all night longBut you just want to sit and listen to the radioYou just want to sit and listen to the radioYou just want to sit and listen to the radio

10.

Just because I come from the islandsDoesn't mean that I can't rock & rollMy heart sings out the melodies of my landsAnd the rhythm of the surf pounds in my soulThe windblown trees are hypnotically swayingAs we run and sing like children holding handsWe feel the primal beat of nature playingLaughing we dance barefoot in the sandLaughing we dance barefoot in the sandMolten mountainsRise up from the seaFiery fountainsCreate this paradise we seeAll the lands of Mother Earth are islandsWe are all arisen from the seaThe brothers and the sisters of the oceansLet us all reach out in harmonyLet us all reach out in harmonyMolten mountainsRise up from the seaFiery fountainsCreate this paradise we seeJust because I come from the islandsDoesn't mean that I can't rock & rollMy heart sings out the melodies of my landsAnd the rhythm of the surf pounds in my soulThe rhythm of the surf pounds in my soul

11.

I am not nervous or worriedThere is no way you'll say no way (never happen)I've got a six-string secret weaponAnd the song I plan to play will make you sayI love the way you sing to meHearing you makes me feel that love is real and all is rightI love the song you bring to meSay you'll stay and sing to me tonightSay you'll stay and sing to me tonightI am no master of romanceI've been shot down a time or two (believe it or not)But now my six-string secret weaponIs loaded with this song and aimed at you (and you'll say)I love the way you sing to meHearing you makes me feel that love is real and all is rightI love the song you bring to meSay you'll stay and sing to me tonightSay you'll stay and sing to me tonightSay you'll stay and sing to me tonightCan you hear me now? (Oh, yes)Are you under my song's power? (Oh, yes)Are your inhibitions gone?Will you stay the whole night long?A prisoner of my song of love 'til dawn (and you'll say)I love the way you sing to meHearing you makes me feel that love is real and all is rightI love the song you bring to meSay you'll stay and sing to me tonightSay you'll stay and sing to me tonightSay you'll stay and sing to me tonight

12.

I love your lookI love your walkNobody Home...

13.

I can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this - no no noWhat's so bad about a nipple?Are we afaid that the devil might be lurking there?Will our souls be corrupted by the sight of a de-cupped tit?Tell me what's so bad about a nipple that's bare?I can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this - no no noWhat's so bad about a penis?An ordinary organ just hanging thereWill the sight of a male member give us rabies or distemper?Tell me what's so bad about a penis that's bare?I can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you thisBut for those muscle-headed zeroesOur beloved TV heroesWe clap and we cheer as they whip out their gunsAnd when the blood and guts are splatteredIt really doesn't matterIt's just good clean American funI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this - no no noWhat's so bad about our bodies?Beautifully covered with skin and hairIs our nakedness so awful that exposure is unlawful?Tell me what's so bad about a body that's bare?I can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this, but I can't show you thatI can show you this - no no no

14.

I was working in the lab late one nightWhen I heard the gurgle of a waterpipeSo I turned to see my monster in a cloud of smokeWho said "This sh*t ain't bad, here, have a toke"(We smoked some hash) - We smoked some monster hash(Some monster hash) - It was his personal stash(We smoked some hash) - We got completely trashed(On monster hash) - We smoked some monster hashAs we partied in the castle with the living deadMouths were dry and eyes were redThe ghouls and goblins shrieked and screamed"Won't somebody please pass the Visine"(They smoked some hash) - They smoked some monster hash(Some monster hash) - From Frankie's personal stash(We smoked some hash) - And they all were smashed(On monster hash) - They smoked some monster hashThe mummy was toking on a bongWolfman said "Don't bogart that, pass it along"The swamp thing was toasted, rolling on the floorLaughing hysterically and pleading for moreThe scene was rocking as the werewolves movedTo the undead reggae band's dance hall groovesMeanwhile in the kitchen Frankenstein bakedSome Alice B. Toklas brownies and cakes (We ate some hash) - We ate some monster hash(Some monster hash) - It had the graveyard smashed(We ate some hash) - And we all got trashed(On monster hash) - We ate some monster hashThe party would have gone on 'til we all passed outBut just then we heard a bloodcurdling shout"Watch out, beware, cover your necksDracula's got the munchies, and he's totally wrecked"(He smoked some hash) - He smoked some monster hash(Some monster hash) - He was completely smashed(He smoked some hash) - That transylvanian's trashed(On monster hash) - He smoked some monster hashNow every night the dead rise up from the graveTo partake in our happening THC raveFor you, the living, this hash was meant, tooWhen you get to my door just say the Toyes sent you(We'll smoke some hash) - We'll smoke some monster hash(Some monster hash) - And we'll all get trashed(We'll smoke some hash) - From my personal stash(Of monster hash) - We'll smoke some monster hashmmmm - that sh*t goooodEasy, boy, save some for daddymmm - hash gooood

15.

Dos leños por la manana, dos lenos al anochecerDos leños por la tarde, que me llenan de placerDos leños en tiempo de guerra, y dos en tiempo de pazDos leños antes, y dos despues, y luego otros dos leños masMi padre me dijo una vez"Debes de trabajar"Mi madre me dijo una vez"No dejes de mejorar"Pero un dia conoci a un senor me dijo "Ven aca,Trabajar y mejorar, y cura tu cabesa"Por eso,Dos leños al levantarme, dos lenos para llevarDos leños cuando juego videos, y a cada diez mil puntosDos leños masDos leños en tiempo de guerraY dos en tiempo de pazDos leños antes, y dos despues, y luego otros dos leños masMi padre me dijo una vez"Debes de trabajar"Mi madre me dijo una vez"No dejes de mejorar"Pero un dia conoci a un senor me dijo "Ven aca,Trabajar y mejorar, y cura tu cabesa"Dos leños por la manana, dos lenos al anochecerDos leños por la tarde, que me llenan de placerDos leños en tiempo de guerra, y dos en tiempo de pazDos leños antes, y dos despues, y luego otros dos leños masDOS LEÑOSEso hago!DOS LEÑOSVeni fumar dos leños con migoDOS LEÑOSIre a fumar dos leños mas con tigoDOS LEÑOSDos leños mas o seguimos jalando?DOS LEÑOSVen a fumar!DOS LEÑOSDOS LEÑOSEso hago!!DOS LEÑOS

16.

Je fume deux joints chaque matin, Je fume deux joints la nuitJe fumes deux joints apres dejeuner, Deux joints et je sourisJe fumes deux joints en temps de paix, Et deux en temps de guerreJe fumes deux joints avant de fumer deux joints,Puis je me fume encore une paireMaman me disait toujours "Fils, il faut travailler dur"Papa me disait toujours "Fils il faut etre fort et sur"Mais un jour un sage m'a donne L'universelle recette"Boulot bon et boulot bien Mais n'oublies pas la tete"Et depuis,Je fume deux joints en me levant, Sur la route je fume deux jointsJe fume deux joints en jouant jeux videos, Et a chaque dix mille points(Je fume deux joints),Je fumes deux joints en temps de paix, Et deux en temps de guerreJe fumes deux joints avant de fumer deux joints, Puis j'allumes encore une paire****Oh, my daddy he once told me "Son, you be hard working man"My mama she once told me "Son, do the best you can"But then one day I met a man who came to me and said"Hard work good and hard work fine, but first take care of head"Alors,Je fume deux joints en me levant, Sur la route je fume deux jointsJe fume deux joints en jouant jeux videos, Et a chaque dix mille points(Je fume deux joints)Je fumes deux joints en temps de paix, Et deux en temps de guerreJe fumes deux joints avant de fumer deux joints, Puis j'allumes encore une paireFUME DEUX JOINTSC'est ce que je fais, moi!FUME DEUX JOINTSViens fumer deux joints avec moi dans la matineeFUME DEUX JOINTSViens fumer deux joints avec moi dans la soireeFUME DEUX JOINTSAlors, on fume deux joints ou on se remet au boulot?FUME DEUX JOINTSJ'savais que t'allais dire ca!FUME DEUX JOINTSC'est ce que je fais, moi!FUME DEUX JOINTS

released January 1, 1996

Produced by Mawg + B-dub
"Smoke Two Joints" + Translations produced by Mawg + Sky

The Toyes Are:
Mawg - Vocals, Guitars
Sky - Bass
B-dub - Keys, Guitar
Hux - Percussion, Drums
Rags - Keys
(Everyone sings backups + pounds on things)
Thanks to Ricci Accardi - Drums on "Smoke Two Joints"
Recorded + Mixed by Mawg + B-dub, except for
"Smoke 2..." + Translations also recorded by Ed Roy + Submixed by Don Ross
"Dos Lenos" Translation by Jose Barragan
Mastered by Bernie Grundman at his place

Thanks to: Everyone at KROQ, Especially Native Wayne Jobson (All the best, Wayne!)
Dr. Demento + Dementoids everywhere (Stay demented!)
The people of Hawaii (Don't you think it's time we gave them back their islands?)
John Grappone, Austin Godsey, Sublime, The Folks At Bug Music, Ira Selsky, Bob Keller, Bush Doktor, Papa Pilgrim, Steve Lang

Extra Huge Thanks To: Zachary Magic Kay, Paulette Kay, Carol Durr, Bob Durr, Rick Grossman, David Bolen, Mike Sidon

Peace + Love To All!